eleventhbeatnik

musings of an aquarian age counterculturist

Excuse Me While I Make Myself a Little More Uncomfortable.

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Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore, Dream, Discover.
–Mark Twain

As I’ve written about here before, there have been a lot of big changes going on in my life over the last year.  So many in fact that my head spins when I stop to consider it all.

My circumstances could certainly be classified as one of those situations where some pretty miserable experiences turned out to be in my best interest.  Not that there is any way in hell I could have been able to recognize the larger picture while it was all happening .  Fighting to stay afloat in a slew of emotional pain doesn’t exactly allow for broader philosophical-based thinking.

In the midst of a relentless shitstorm, it seemed that all I could really do is put my head down and ride it out until it passed.  And in time, it did pass.  Slowly and steadily some semblance of calmness and insight crept in, and with a lot of love and support from people who genuinely cared, I was eventually able to breathe again without the sensation of a crushing weight on my heart.

Arising from a place of immobility, I finally surrendered to the changes that were occurring spontaneously all around me from that point on.  Looking at my life now, I can’t believe everything that has happened from that moment to this.  There are times I don’t recognize myself anymore.  I’ve decided to accept this as a good sign.

Yes, what a difference a year makes.  Whispers of struggle remain, but I am in such a different place than I was a year ago.  A far more peaceful, sweeter, loving place.  But by no means am I feeling comfortable.   This is not a bad thing.

For the first time in a long while I’m feeling optimistic in the present moment and excited about the future.  Amongst many other things going on, I am leaving behind a 20+ year career that was a self-made prison, otherwise known as my “Comfort Zone”.   While I’m grateful for the experience I gained and the skills I now carry with me, I realize that world no longer fits who I am or where I’m going.  And so a new adventure begins.  I am in the early stages of carving out a freelancing business and narrowing down the services I am planning to offer.  All I know for certain is that I am being called to do my own thing, in whatever way it manifests.

As exciting as it is, there is a lot of fear rising up inside about my ability to make this happen.  Despite that, I am not allowing fear to prevent me from moving forward.  I have so much to learn but I’m ready to take a leap into the unknown.  It is time to follow the dream unfolding before me by creating space to follow my intuition and allow new ideas to inspire me.  In the end, I’m determined that if it doesn’t work out, it won’t be because I didn’t give it my best shot.

So excuse me while I make myself a little more uncomfortable.  Right now, it is the best feeling in the world.

blessings

Author: eleventhbeatnik

aquarian age counterculturist

6 thoughts on “Excuse Me While I Make Myself a Little More Uncomfortable.

  1. It sounds to me like you are making a good decision. No it may not work out but on the other hand it might. You gotta be true to yourself always. Best of luck to you and if you have the time keep blogging about your journey. Take care and have a lovely weekend. 🙂

  2. Reblogged this on servingothersblog.com and commented:
    So much truth here, so much of her journey that feels very familiar.

  3. Thank you beatnick. Powerful words that echo much of my journey as well. Thanks for this.