eleventhbeatnik

musings of an aquarian age counterculturist


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Excuse Me While I Make Myself a Little More Uncomfortable.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore, Dream, Discover.
–Mark Twain

As I’ve written about here before, there have been a lot of big changes going on in my life over the last year.  So many in fact that my head spins when I stop to consider it all.

My circumstances could certainly be classified as one of those situations where some pretty miserable experiences turned out to be in my best interest.  Not that there is any way in hell I could have been able to recognize the larger picture while it was all happening .  Fighting to stay afloat in a slew of emotional pain doesn’t exactly allow for broader philosophical-based thinking.

In the midst of a relentless shitstorm, it seemed that all I could really do is put my head down and ride it out until it passed.  And in time, it did pass.  Slowly and steadily some semblance of calmness and insight crept in, and with a lot of love and support from people who genuinely cared, I was eventually able to breathe again without the sensation of a crushing weight on my heart.

Arising from a place of immobility, I finally surrendered to the changes that were occurring spontaneously all around me from that point on.  Looking at my life now, I can’t believe everything that has happened from that moment to this.  There are times I don’t recognize myself anymore.  I’ve decided to accept this as a good sign.

Yes, what a difference a year makes.  Whispers of struggle remain, but I am in such a different place than I was a year ago.  A far more peaceful, sweeter, loving place.  But by no means am I feeling comfortable.   This is not a bad thing.

For the first time in a long while I’m feeling optimistic in the present moment and excited about the future.  Amongst many other things going on, I am leaving behind a 20+ year career that was a self-made prison, otherwise known as my “Comfort Zone”.   While I’m grateful for the experience I gained and the skills I now carry with me, I realize that world no longer fits who I am or where I’m going.  And so a new adventure begins.  I am in the early stages of carving out a freelancing business and narrowing down the services I am planning to offer.  All I know for certain is that I am being called to do my own thing, in whatever way it manifests.

As exciting as it is, there is a lot of fear rising up inside about my ability to make this happen.  Despite that, I am not allowing fear to prevent me from moving forward.  I have so much to learn but I’m ready to take a leap into the unknown.  It is time to follow the dream unfolding before me by creating space to follow my intuition and allow new ideas to inspire me.  In the end, I’m determined that if it doesn’t work out, it won’t be because I didn’t give it my best shot.

So excuse me while I make myself a little more uncomfortable.  Right now, it is the best feeling in the world.

blessings


Esther the Wonder Pig

Steve, Derek & Esther

Steve, Derek & Esther

Have you heard about Esther and her two Dads?  If not:  run, do not walk, to check out their story:  Peace Love Esther

Esther’s facebook page has become just a little bit of an addiction for me.  Okay, edit that.   I am absolutely smitten.  It is so much fun reading the daily photo captions and watching this family evolve and grow (literally grow: Esther is 450+ pounds!)

And the best is yet to come.  Plans are in the works to open an animal sanctuary in Esther’s name.  It is a really exciting journey of compassion and an opportunity for others to share in it.   My own experience working at an animal sanctuary taught me that although it is hard work and costly to manage, it is an endlessly rewarding and enlightening experience.

If you are so moved, please consider donating to help bring this sanctuary to life:

Let’s Build a Sanctuary

The Esther Effect.  What a beautiful thing!

 

Esther & Shelby

Esther & Shelby

 


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Chasing Spring

photo credit:  eleventhbeatnik

photo credit: eleventhbeatnik

I recently rediscovered a photo I took of a beautiful bright flower that was part of a bouquet given to me.  Looking at it reminded me of how lovely it felt to be on the receiving end of such a thoughtful gesture.  Which in turn reminded me of how wonderful it is to be present to the colours, smells and sounds of spring – green leaves, gorgeous flowers, warm rain, birds chirping.  It is a time of renewal and rebirth on so many levels.  Spring is coming late to the party here in southern Ontario this year so I thought I’d share the photo for you to enjoy, and to offer myself a little reassurance that it will arrive eventually 😉