Hello again lovelies!
I have been silent on the blog lately, but behind the scenes it has been anything but sedate. It is continuously astounding to me how much can change in the space of a few short weeks. Or, for that matter, in the blink of an eye.
My New York journey was a resounding success. I spent a great deal of time exploring, writing old-school style in a notebook, attending classes, walking neighborhoods, reconnecting with old friends, discovering wonderful new ones. My days were beyond busy and my heart was overflowingly full. When moments of uncertainty or pain resurfaced and threatened to overwhelm, I fully experienced the feelings, uncomfortable or otherwise, and allowed them to pass through. Good days or bad days, I was never alone. I experienced every possible emotion on any given day. I was happy. I was sad. I was excited. I was angry. I was tired. I was rejuvenated. But most consistently? I was alive. ALIVE!!! I embraced it all.
This was more than a trip to a special place. It was a journey to myself. Something irrevocably changed inside me. I accepted the idea that it is not only okay, but critically important at this juncture to move forward. I gave myself permission to dream again. I made room for hope. The essence of who I am remains the same but my perception has altered. The main difference is that I am ruthlessly kicking that which no longer serves to the curb. I am embarking on a life more in alignment with what feels right and true for me. It no longer matters whether it is by choice or by design. Resistance is futile and I understand that there is no turning back.
It is true that fear is a great motivator and it definitely plays a role here. The last year has brought a lot of change already, welcome or not, and to actively court more requires courage. The thing is that staying the same, not moving, being stuck scares me more than jumping into the unknown ever could.
I am here to tell you that I have officially jumped off the cliff in more ways than I can get into now. The power of non-resistance is more relevant than ever. A decision has been made and now it is time to let go and allow. Please wish this recovering Type A much luck with that.
The next few weeks are filled with craziness: moving, applying for school, attending counseling, filing papers for Stage 2 of Divorce, buying smaller pants.
Updates to follow. Stay tuned!