Ever notice that some of the most effing amazing epiphanies occur in the middle of chaos? Yeah, me too. While I could certainly do without the chaos, the epiphanies are pretty awesome.
Lately it seems as though I am in a state of chronic confusion. The phrase fits so well, I’ll say it again: I am chronically confused. Yes. I. Am.
Every area of my life where I once felt a sense of security, love and belonging disappeared along with the rug abruptly pulled out from under my feet. Never saw it coming. Does anyone? I think we’ve all been there on one level or another.
Over the past month, I’ve been forced to face a lot of uncomfortable emotions and realizations. Being off work recuperating from knee surgery in the middle of a major life transition has been both a blessing and a curse. Blessing: nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Curse: nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
Counselling, a previously uncharted territory for me, is proving to be beyond helpful in the grieving process. Having a safe space to say what I *really* feel; rather than pretending everything is okay for the sake of good manners is potent therapy in its own right. And it is helping me let go. I mean really LET GO of any illusions of control; wishing to recreate the past, or hoping to predict the future. There is no greater freedom than that. In my mind, letting go represents genuine healing of the heart and soul. Which goes way beyond the superficial big pharma prescription or avoidance technique.
Most interesting to me is the discovery of where a genuine safe haven exists in my life. It does not come from other people, places or promises.
The saving grace I’ve uncovered in these pain riddled days? Meditation. The Inner Temple. My meditation practise has become a healing sanctuary in the middle of a relentless shitstorm.
Don’t know where to find shelter? Go within.
I highly recommend it.